Stemming from yet another thought provoking blog post by Jordan Cooper he got me thinking about blog commenting and that feeling of being obligated to blog on someone else’s blog if they were to comment on my blog.
Don’t Feel Like You Have To Reciprocate
First of all – I never expect you to come to my site nor comment on my posts when I comment on your blog. Sure, I’d love for you to come over and check my blog out and check out some posts that you like the sound of. But I don’t want you to comment on my posts unless you genuinely want to. If you enjoy giving value, adding to the conversation or really enjoyed my post and want to thank me, then go for it. But NEVER feel like you HAVE to.
I’ll apoligise in advance and want to give warning to everyone that has commented here on this blog. I don’t want to feel obligated to comment your blog posts just because you commented here. I’d say I would visit your blog 9/10 times if you comment here but that doesn’t mean I will automatically comment on your blog.
Strive for Quality Engagement
I value quality engagement on my blog, email, twitter, facebook etc. Don’t we all? There’s way too much noise out there on the internet. You don’t read every blog post in your RSS feed, do you? You don’t read every single tweet on your home feed on twitter, do you?
Just because someone was nice enough to comment on your blog, and even if it was a really great comment, their site may be total crap or something not related to your niche or subject matter that you simply can’t comment on. There’s a wise saying that ‘if you have nothing to say, say nothing’.
If you’re feeling obligated to comment but don’t have something you feel you could really add or want to say – you can always vote (as long as you think it’s worthy of a vote, don’t vote ‘just because’)
So in this case comment if you feel like it. Just let it flow naturally 
Quality is what we should strive for.
Bottom line is that I do not EXPECT you to comment on my blog if I comment on yours nor do I hope you EXPECT me to do the same back. Only do so if it’s WORTHY of a comment/vote. Not – just ’cause
I think reciprocation is a great thing and I do participate in helping others out if they help me too (I like to think I give more than I receive). Definitely! But only if what I’m doing or what you’re doing is of VALUE.
Would love to hear your thoughts on this 
This blog post has been in the backburner for some time. I’ve just been reading Chris Brogan’s Trust Agents which sums this post up beautifully.
“Is it wrong to think that what you do for someone will be (eventually) reciprocated? No. Is it wrong to expect it? You betcha.”
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Sarge,
I remember Jordan talking about this too and I fully agree. Only add a comment unless you are adding quality content or thoughts to the article. I am a daily reader of Mashable and see many comments that are really just five words or less and this really just annoys me because I have to keep scrolling in order to get to a quality comment.
I will say thought that I have seen comments on ChrisBrogan.com (mainly made by Chris himself) that he says only a sentence. But, that sentence adds to what the before person said and its always nice to read his thoughts (its good that he does not reply to everyone’s comment). I, personally, have toned down me always replying to people’s comment, but I feel as a ‘beginner blogger’ doing this might not always add to the content, but it sure does show that you care about their comment and builds relationships.
Quality engagement is what needs to happen and Sarge I thank you for your comments on LifeNotion. I always look forward to comments on my blog because they usually deal with life stories.
Best Regards.
You have hit the nail on the head, Sarge. It’s all about contributing and adding value to the efforts of others, not just commenting to drive traffic or expecting something in return. For me, it is the interaction with other bloggers from around the globe that makes the experience enjoyable. We all tend to feed off of the energy of others.
Nice post.
@Derek – It doesn’t really matter on the size of the comment/engagement (take twitter for example) it’s all about the quality and value of it. I’m pretty guilty of writing huge comments. I am working on toning down how much I write but still provide value at the same time.
@Jimi – Exactly right – it’s all about adding value. Forget about driving traffic, drive some value to the people that will read the imprints you leave all over the web. Make connections with others. If you continue to imprint useless information/comments over the web you will be known for that.
So true. There’s a good few reasons for this too!
When you leave a comment that contributes to what the blog post is about and explain what you got out of it and why you like/dislike it that allows a conversation to build up and things are discussed and people get to know other people.
Quality content is great and quality comments are also what matters. It’s about relationships and having something meaningful to say that delivers.
You got it, Sarge!
Sarge, I’m expecting plenty of people to agree with you here, but I think many may miss the exact point.
People are talking about “engagement” and “relationships” when they’re really not… they’re talking about *comments*. The former two terms are broad strategical concepts, while the latter is a hard tactical element.
As Derek as pointed out… You can comment on a billion blogs and reply to every comment on your own blog and still not be engaging or building relationships with anyone.
In the corollary, you can also NOT comment on other blogs or your own much and still be *very* engaging and build many great relationships.
Blogs, comment sections, e-mail, Twitter, Facebook, Linkedin, your mailing list, other’s mailing lists, YouTube, UStream, text messages, the phone, meeting in real life, conferences, Television, radio, podcasts, newspapers, whatever you can think of…
These are all PLATFORMS for engagement. Some are more two-way than others. Some are more personal than others. But they’re *all* valid ways you can build relationships with people.
Find out which ones work best for who YOU are and will help YOUR success. It can very easily not be the same as what 95% of the people you see are doing. It can easily be contrary to the literal advice of the “experts” you respect. But if it works for YOU, then who is anyone to judge?
@Eric – Spot on. As seen on this post there are a lot of great comments and conversation generating. I feel more ‘connected’ already
BTW you should get yourself a Gravatar from http://en.gravatar.com/ so you’re not hiding behind a white mannequin 
@Jordan – Great input here. I agree with you. All those social media components you mentioned are the tools we can use to build these relationships further. My point is that they should be used the right way and actually build a relationship and community than just saying ‘great post’ or RT’ing something that will be of no benefit to the people that will see the RT. You’re right though people can use those platforms however they wish, but I want to let others know that I don’t want people to feel expected to comment if someone else comments on their blog and same goes the other way around. Let it flow naturally, baby
@Sarge – But what exactly is the “right” way? Couldn’t one way be right for someone, yet wrong for another? I’d highly suggest looking at the the discussion going on here and see David Risley’s rebuttal in the comments.
We always tend to judge people while existing as outsiders to their world – then compare our own ideologies to those that are publicly displayed by them. But what is “helpful” to you may not be valuable to others looking for help. Yes, a lot of bloggers view comment discussion as the be-all end-all of this – but what if your readers are helped more by the content you create than the interaction? Wouldn’t it then be more prudent then to prioritize based on that?
@Jordan – I used the wrong word there, I knew that would bite me on the ass. I guess I’m poking a stick at those where *I* believe it just seems obvious they are commenting here to get a link back. Maybe I’m wrong about that.
As I said people can use the mediums in any form they wish.
People don’t have to comment, vote or engage in any way at all if they don’t wish. I spent years just being a lurker through many blogs not doing a damn thing and just taking it in. There are ways to measure the lurkers activity too with other *tools* like Google Analytics etc.
My main point of the post was really to communicate with my readers that if they are expecting me to comment back or return the favour, just because they commented here – then that’s not the case.
I think ‘commenting’ just became the medium that was chosen to be discussed but the same thing applies to any forms of media. People shouldn’t expect a favour to be returned, they should be helpful because it’s a good thing to do. Form relationships with the people you want to. In the end it is up to you.
To be honest I think commenting has gone way out of control on blogs. There is way too much noise. Back when I was a ‘lurker’ I’m not even sure if I knew comments on blogs existed, I’m sure they did I just didn’t take any notice. I did spend a great deal of my time at the Steve Pavlina blog and he had his ‘commenting’ system on a separate message board. Other blogs I visited were really in depth tutorial like posts that
My best mate – that knows nothing about blogs really was checking this blog out the other day and he said it was odd that everyone that was commenting had similar blogs to mine. So it would seem obvious that the people that do all the commenting are people that have blogs similar to mine and they’re maybe not the people that are actually benefiting from my content.
I know there are people on my mailing list that reply to my newsletters that are the type of people I am trying to help blogging that do not comment here on the blog. So it may be those subscribed to my RSS and emailing list that lie my TRUE target audience, the ones that really devour the content?
There I go again not completing paragraphs….
“To be honest I think commenting has gone way out of control on blogs. There is way too much noise. Back when I was a ‘lurker’ I’m not even sure if I knew comments on blogs existed, I’m sure they did I just didn’t take any notice. I did spend a great deal of my time at the Steve Pavlina blog and he had his ‘commenting’ system on a separate message board. Other blogs I visited were really in depth tutorial like posts that were really targeted towards my goals at the time, they solved problems I devoured their content.”
Couldn’t agree more. A couple of people have commented on my blogs before now, and I just read their site & can’t comment, to quote Thumper from Bambi – if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.
But like Jordan said – there’s a different between commenting & engaging. I rarely comment (so feel priviledged
), and it’s rarely people that comment, but more people that capture my attention (again, feel priviledged). At the end of the day, there’s only so much time in the day – would you like a blogger to reply to your comment, or produce more comment.
[...] the rest of eternity and will reply to every single one of them. If you need useful assistance or content that would help you, please go somewhere else.submit_url = [...]
My biggest lesson in 2009 was this: Every time I did anything, in the hope that I would get a reward from it, I failed to do so.
Every time I did something that was genuinely helpful to other people, and with no thought for what I’d get out of it, I seemed to end up getting a lot.
My point is this – the moment you start to try to force “Reciprocity” (and by the way, I really, really don’t like that word) it won’t happen.
I don’t think people should feel obligated to return every comment if they don’t feel it’s suitable (for whatever reason) and they shouldn’t all try to fit into one box, doing the same things others are doing.
At a later date, I might add a discussion forum, but my first website (still under construction) is not even set up for comments. I am focusing on content and really not paying attention to what other people are doing on their blogs who are in the same genre – food and home. Not saying what I’m doing is better, just different, and it will evolve over time I’m sure.
One of my family values is “It is better to give than receive.” Don’t comment in order to get one back, that’s just using people. And doing something with the expectation that others can be controlled to your advantage isn’t really that cool, it’s manipulative. I don’t even want to deal with it, I’m with you. And you guys made some great points about individuality, too. Thank you!
Personally I like reading business oriented sites but I don’t write one.
I would be shocked if anyone commented on my site..
I try to always check out the websites of people who comment on my blog, but sometimes I find that I don’t have something of value to leave as a comment there, so I don’t comment. I do try to add them to my RSS reader and see if I enjoy any future posts which I could leave a comment on, if not then I will remove them again. Generally though I really like the communication that commenting back gives – meeting new people etc is what makes blogging fun for me. I totally agree though that there’s no obligation.
In fact, sometimes I comment on blogs regularly and they never ever comment back on mine. Sometimes I think that they ought to, just because I comment on their’s so often and it’s as if we are missing out on building a relationship. But at the end of the day I don’t mind and, if their blog is good, I’ll keep on commenting whether they comment back or not.
I remember when I first started getting comments I instantly felt like I needed to visit that bloggers blog and leave a comment, I quickly stopped doing it when I realized how ridiculous some of my comments on topics were.
Great post.
P.s. I expect a comment back. haha
If you leave valuable comments sometimes you build relationships and sometimes you don’t. That’s it in a nutshell. I think Twitter is good for engagement, but sometimes that doesn’t work either.
You’ve got some really great information here dude. When starting out blogging, it’s all about traffic but you have to keep your personality and status high in the blogging community
Hi Sarge,
I remember reading a book called “Zen and the Art Of Motorcycle Maintenance” by ( I think) Robert Purcey – many many years ago. Above all else it’s about quality and I was hugely impressed with it at a young age. I think ( if you haven’t already read it ) that you’d like it a lot.
Quality of course is a very personal thing – and since I’ve started to become involved with blogging I’ve read, listened to and watched a lot of things that I consider to have quality … and these are the only ones I comment on. Reciprocating comments with others out of a feeling of obligation ( + wants of traffic ) would be like giving in to some sort of emotional blackmail – and sort of negative in the extreme I think.
Cheers
Will
P.S. I like Ruth’s comment above a lot – so off to visit her blog now …..
@Rhys – Well it’s an honor to have you post here! I think that was the specific quote I was looking for – “if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.” It was up there anyway. Though I think there are far too many ‘nice’ people in the blogging world. It’s great to have people like yourself, Jordan, David Risley etc etc that can tell it like it is. I mean you’re still great guys but you gave give a good hard honest opinion and it’s bloody refreshing!
@Mike – Yep things just seem to happen when you stop worrying about ‘oh I’ve done something nice for him I should get something back now’. Just keep doing your thang and the good stuff just rolls in, don’t even think about it.
@beachroses – definitely give more than you receive. I follow that motto too. Good luck with the forum – go for it. Even if it doesn’t work out you can at least say you tried it out which is much better than not doing it at all.
@Glen – You never know Glen… Just keep at it. As others have said there are other ways to get engagement than comments on your own blog. Look right here we’re engaging on this blog
@Ruth – I can see what you mean if you’re making an impact on someones blog through the comments but they’re not commenting back – but don’t expect it. Maybe they are visiting your site just not commenting. Perhaps they have nothing of value to contribute like you said. You never know they may have signed up to your RSS feed and email list (hint hint
)
If they’re engaging back with you on the blog you’re commenting on then that’s a good thing, right?
BTW how is greenhealthexpert going for the blog flip challenge?
@Ileane – Very good point Ileane! You won’t always see eye to eye with everyone you meet online. You can’t please everyone and you can’t be friends with everyone that comes along in the online world.
@ITW – Thanks – It’s not always about traffic. I would argue it’s all about what content you can produce so you would then try and get some traffic to see what the general consensus is.
@Will – I will check out that book, thanks Will. Indeed quality is a personal thing. Everything is a personal thing really you make your own opinions and values. Great anology, it does feel like ‘emotional blackmail’ if you get the feeling of being obligated to do something. It’s really uncomfortable that people expect comments back which is why I made this blog post. I wanted people to know where I stand.
Ruth is great – very helpful
You are absolutely right. Sometimes I realise that blogs I comment on are bigger than mine, and they don’t have the time, or my blog just isn’t their cup of tea lol. I just am really enjoying connecting with people, but like I said will carry on reading/ commenting even if they don’t comment back. And it’s so nice to see the comments above me above hehe! Nice comments are always great when you don’t expect them
Oh sorry, forgot to answer your other question (blog flip challenge). I had a break over Christmas and this month will try to write about 15-20 blog posts for that blog (to schedule 2 per week), before I really start promoting it. Got off track but have worked it into my weekly schedule now. I see you are getting started on yours too. I will post at the group soon about it.
@Extreme John – Hey man – your comment somehow went automatically to my spam. Apologies! Corrected now. I was the same when I first started. Comments are rare and you really treasure them when you first start out. Not that I don’t now at all, but it’s something really special when you *FIRST* start a blog that someone actually visited AND left a mark.
@Ruth – Only just getting started, hopefully have some content out ready to start promoting it next month.
Your blog seems to be going really well, didn’t even notice you hadn’t been active for a while. Seems very current.
I think that an effort should be made to reciprocate, that is not the opinion of all but for the most part I think we all would like to help out when we can.
When a person visits my blog I reply to what they had to say and I make an effort to visit their home as well, as a show of common courtesy. If I find that I am constantly commenting on someone’s blog and Tweeting them and voting etc and they don’t turn around and make a basic acknowledgement then I have to forgo that blog and consider them to be self centered and out for their own best interest. Which is okay there is nothing wrong with that either.
No, we shouldn’t ever do anything with the expectation of being rewarded or recognized, but there is nothing wrong with hoping others practice the golden rule.
@Ms. Freeman – I think we should help out when we can but there comes a point when visiting everyones site and commenting on someones site or RTing their blog JUST BECAUSE they commented here is a little too much. Why should I feel obligated to do so? Generally I will visit everyones blog of those that comment here and check it out. That doesn’t mean I am going to comment. I leave comments on blogs I feel I can add value to or add to the conversation. I don’t just comment because it feels like the right thing to do, it makes the comment un-valuable and is just creating extra noise on the internet when there is enough already out there.